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Being Supportive to Stressed Loved Ones, Part 2

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Though much depends on the individual you're dealing with, a few general pointers may apply:

Point 1: Make sure there's no implicit criticism in any suggestions you make. Instead of "you're brooding too much," try, "I wish you'd be our fourth for bridge" or some similar invitation.

Point 2: Compassionate listening can often accomplish more than talking. Allow the other person to take the lead in conversation. Instead of making assumptions about how he/she is feeling, find out what is really on their mind. If your widowed aunt still needs to talk about her husband two years after his death, you can help by listening sympathetically.

Point 3: On the other hand, remember that people who are bereaved or ill don't want to talk about their problems all the time. It's all right to bring up other subjects. It may be the most helpful thing for them.

Point 4: Just be there. Love, emotional support, and calm concern can be the most helpful contribution from family members and friends. Such acts of service as coming along for a doctor's appointment, providing transportation to and from treatments, or other kinds of practical aid. "Just Being There" can be the strongest supportive factor for a spouse.